I honestly cannot believe that Zoey is already three month old, where does the time go? She has changed so much in the past week and I swear it will be her first birthday in no time at all. Zoey is such a damn delight and I am so thankful for being blessed with all that she is, she always wakes up with a big smile on her face and sometimes if she smiles so big she snorts, she is so cheerful majority of the time and is such a chill baby. Zoey is developing beautifully, she is already trying to roll over which is fricken nuts!, she now tracks you with her eyes across the room which is creepy, she loves kicking her legs especially when you change her diaper (honestly a wiggle worm). She is getting super distracted now when feeding because I guess she can see so much more now, she sometimes coo's and smiles at nothing which for someone who has seen multiple horror films can only wish it is something good. Zoey loves bath time more now but once you take her out of the water she dislikes it to the max, like cries like a banshee which is so stressful when your trying to hurry and get her dressed. Sadly she still does not settle well in the bassinet and she is almost outgrowing it and will soon be in the crib, she sleeps in our arms majority of the damn time which is exhausting when you want to get things done. She now does tummy time most days and enjoys watching Phoebe's antics nearby. We are still breastfeeding which is a blessing and a curse, since she is more alert now she is easily distracted by anything really, she has also been getting majorly fussy on each side, mostly when she is overtired but half the time I forget why she is even fussy at all. It can be so frustrating when she is like that and it really makes me want to give up on breastfeeding all together. It can just be a bit much when she is cranky as hell and will not settle at all, I really feel useless when that happens and it is probably when I get the most stressed. Zoey is much more settled in the car and the other day we managed to head to Sydney and back with no stressful car moments which was soooo nice. I think we just have to time our trips better and make sure she is fed before we set off.
So it has been three months since we welcomed her into the world and three months since my second c-section and I am happy to say I am thankfully all healed up. It was easier this time around but at the same time equally hard if that even makes sense, we had a few drama's healing this time around with reopening wounds and an almost infection but thankfully it did not get super bad. My wound is all healed up and honestly looks pretty damn great! I finally feel like my normal self again, which makes me super happy. All I want to do now is just work out like crazy to get rid of all that cruddy weight, I mean do not get me wrong, I think my body looks fab the way it is right now but I just want to be fitter and healthier to run around with Phoebe and do life. I am finding it super hard to find time to workout with the kids around and really want to start jogging in the morning or walking but not sure how to juggle that with Zoey and breastfeeding. Sometimes I workout when Zoey is asleep but the second I start she wakes up, so I either give up or workout while she is on the floor with me. I did a cardio workout last week and felt great doing it but afterwards the muscles around my c-section started aching, maybe from the workout or maybe from just pushing it a bit too much. Sometimes I feels super 100% fine going an acitivity and then I pay for it later towards bed time with cramps and stuff which sucks because you feel so fine doing things and then your not fine at all. I hate having to take it easy again when I feel normal, especially at bedtime now I can finally lie down sleeping which is sooo nice but if I move a certain way to quickly I get achy. Just the healing process internally is slower than the outside so I know in a few more months I will be able to do more and more.
I really feel like I am tethered to Zoey by some invisible leash, I want to go out and do things without having to think about feeding but even without her I would still have to pump. I just want to be free of breastfeeding sometimes and I do think about ending our journey but then I feel guilty and honestly I do not want to be constantly cleaning up formula bottles. I do not know how long we will even be breastfeeding but I am grateful for it even happening this time around, I just take it one day at a time to be honest. Mentally, I feel better than I did a few weeks ago, I think it just gets a bit much when you are so exhausted and dealing with an unruly toddler and a newborn, we kind of have a routine now which is still not 100% but it is something. We are trying to get Phoebe to take her day nap and so far she looks hella tired but just will not sleep, it is the worse thing trying to figure this out because she looks like she really needs to nap. She sleeps through the night but wakes up looking a wreck poor chicken and she is in the worst mood most days, I think she needs an activity during the day to tucker her out so I really want to get her back into swimming or gymnastics or something. Also we are going to be putting her into daycare at least once a week to start and see how she goes with all of that has to offer, fingers crossed it all goes good and perhaps she can go more than once in the week.
Here is a few captures of Zoey delighting in her nursery nook, she is fricken adorable and we love her to pieces. I just wanted to do a shout out to the lovely Jo from Jo Collier Designs, who creates beautiful artworks like the ones we have in Zoey's nook. We have Bruno the Bear, Oscar the Owl and the newest addition Hamish the Highland Coo who Jo kindly gifted to us with the birth of Zoey. She is working on new additions like a gorgeous Orca Whale print which I cannot wait to get my hands on and deserves all the support because she is a lovely mama who creates from her heart. Give her some love on her Instagram and her website (her prints make the perfect baby shower gifts) Jo Collier Designs