Little Viking is three weeks old this week! How the time flies when your sleep deprived and you barely even acknowledge the clock. I just want to say that we really are so blessed to have such a happy content baby, she is legit everything that we prayed for during the pregnancy (one - we wanted her to be so happy and smiley and she is just that), she is such a little cutie that most of the time I just enjoy sleepy cuddles with her and by golly she is finding her voice this week and the last and she makes the most adorable sounds, which also are the sounds that wake us up at night but all is forgiven because it is beyond cute. Everyday she grows, her hair is getting longer and lighter, her eyes look like they perhaps will be blue like Benjamin's but who knows, she is getting chubby and her neck mobility is on point. She follows us with her eyes when we walk by her, she loves smiling up at us and loves watching Benjamin's weird faces and she loves climbing on him (yes this one will have to be a quick learner for sure).
We keep telling ourselves to go to bed early but honestly the time just gets eaten up by life. We only wake up once or twice during the night to feed and change her, so far it has been working out good but we look like zombies and napping during the day if we get the chance does not help at all. Every-time we leave the house it takes us like 2 hours to get ready, we move slower these days and the house keeps getting out of wack despite our attempts at cleaning every now and again. Phoebe is feeding every 2-3 hours, we now know which coo's and sounds are her hungry ones, she is such a guts and guzzle it down in no time or falls asleep half way. I am expressing breast milk for her during her feeds while she is supplemented on formula, pumping is a darn challenge for me just because it is such a chore and when you are half asleep you really don't want to sit there. Expressing is a bit stressful sometimes, I really wish I could get more milk out so we wouldn't have to give her formula but I know these things take time, I am taking fenugreek to help my supply, I massage my breasts during and put a heat pack on them before expressing. I do dream about getting an electric pump just because some people say you get more out of your breasts with those instead of a manual single pump and every breast reacts different to each kind of pump, so who knows what will happen there.
I have been healing quite wonderfully, moving around is much easier (stairs included) and I can sort of sleep on my side and yep still sleeping on the couch. Some days it does feel like I push myself a bit to much but I think it is more the lack of sleep and exercise side of it all, I am so so keen to start working out again, we both are and I can't wait till I can although I am a bit weary to try anything adventurous like kickboxing. As I said I am sleep deprived and the little things are getting to me, like the fact that my hair is disgustingly long right now and I legit have to comb it out every-night and combing it out takes so much energy and I get so frustrated with it! I did manage to shave my legs last week but low and behold I will have to struggle and do it again soon, my eyebrows are crazy and Cara Delevingne would not approve and I am in dire need of a mani/pedi sometime soon. The other day I attempted to try on my pre pregnancy jeans and they would not fit (defeated), seriously my life is daggy clothes forever! I am craving a good ole shop but honestly how long will it take for normal clothes to fit me properly and not kill my self esteem in the change room?!
I guess this is parenthood right and it is all worth it in the end.
Speaking of parenthood I am so not ready to get pregnant again, I seriously am going to convert to a monastery for the rest of the year and the next 4 years. I mean don't get me wrong I would love a sibling for Phoebe and if it's God will then sure I welcome it but I had horrible gas pains the other night and it felt like contractions and legit my body has PTSD because I was not a fan of it at all! I don't know how people can go through it all a second time and to be honest, if I did not have that epidural I don't know how I could of not kicked the life out of the Dr's when they did the several internals and with contractions on top. I would of died and am scared for the second time. How do you not think about the horribleness of it all and enjoy your second pregnancy?? How the heck!! Seriously adopting children or just several small animals like puppies and kittens for now. And the whole risk factors of getting pregnant before 6-18 months after a c-section is just enough to freak me out and the fact that I could possible have another c-section second time around is just heartbreaking to me. Will I ever be able to accomplish a VBAC naturally and bravely??
Also another issue at the moment with us is what to do with our other dog Buddy, now Buddy is a rescue dog and is full of life and energy. We adopted him whilst he was not a puppy and he lived with an old lady all his life. Now he is a lovely dog, a lovely little lapdog and I do honestly adore him but at the same time we both do not trust him around Phoebe unless we are watching him constantly, also we did not want him jumping around my incision while it heals. So at the moment he is down with my parents and I bloody miss him around, when we do go down he is so excited to see us and he does jump but we control it or I turn my back to him. He reacts so weirdly around Phoebe, like he cries around her or follows whoever is holding her, he is just so unpredictable that we just don't know when we will bring him home with us. I love him to bits and the thought of giving him up or never having him with us just breaks my heart. He just goes from 1 to 11 in a split second and I just don't know what he would do around her if she is on the ground or in the bassinet (which he could probably reach). I don't want to be one of those people who ditches their dog because they had a baby or someone like that, it just is not me but I just hope we can work something out that involves him coming home soon.
As you can see I have a few things on my mind these days and not including all the darn appointments we have at Westmead for Phoebe, I just want to get past it all and enjoy our life with little Phoebe. We did a little shoot with her over the weekend and I have put it into two parts. Enjoy