When it comes the time for trying for a baby and that entire journey, it's so hard to hold onto any kind of hope. After the first couple of months of trying and you've not yet conceived, you start to tell yourself that "it's only been a few months, maybe next month is the month." But then another month rolls on, and in the back of your mind you are thinking about just calling it quits because its such an emotional ride.
We were at that point a month before we conceived, and started asking each other the "why" questions, "Why do you think it's taking so long?", "Why are others being blessed so easily and not us?" and so on.
After we finished a week attendance at Hillsong Conference this year, we were changed so much, our entire perspective on our little grim situation was changed entirely. Personally, I had so much hope surging through me that I just could not contain it! I felt God's love for me at Conference, especially during worship, like He was right there filling me up with the faith and hope I desperately searched for.
I knew then that we would have children, for God is faithful and his Word endures! I believe that He would not have placed visions of our children, hopes and dreams, adventures with them as a family, potential names and a pure love for them, if we were not going to have children. It gets me so excited, because God knows my deepest heart desires. He knows that love I have storing itself up for our children, and he knows the perfect timing for when it will come to us, though we will never recognise it as the "right time" in our eyes (hello new house, bigger car!)
I used to despair with my menstrual cycle each month, but after my experience at Conference my worries were diminished! It was no longer the end of the world for me, my body was doing what it was designed to do. It was just another hill on this race and I overcame that last one and it only made me stronger, so I can defeat the next and keep on running!
I would like to believe that God is waiting to bless us so when we have children our hearts are full with love for them, just like He loves us, that we will be so thankful and more patient with them. I cannot wait for it to happen, and when it does I know we will be praising God forever for it (more than we are now!)
Reading Brian Houston's book "Live Love Lead" that came out this year, he wrote about how we, as God's daughters and sons, have inherited the word and the promise that God gave to Abraham that He is at our side. He has promised us a glorious fortune and he knows what that is. I think in this day and age it is so easy to fall off the path of God, to forget that He loves us with all his being. He loves us beyond words and He wants the best for us, just like a true Father.
I want to share with you one line I fell in love with in Brian's book. "It is through the name of Jesus that you can find a new beginning and a new day, a new hope and a reassurance of a glorious future". Brian's book has been teaching me to love people just like God loves us and to hold onto hope and that God is our anchor.
I pray that my words give you hope and you realise that God loves you unconditionally and He will always be by your side no matter what!
"Now that you belong to Christ, you are the true children of Abraham. You are his heirs, and now all the promises God gave to him belong to you" Galatians 3:29
"So all who put their faith in Christ share the same blessing Abraham received because of his faith" Galatians 3:9