This blog post may or may not just be a massive rant about the hospital system and how messed up the entire world is right now.
So 41 weeks (and let's just add the 2 days onto that shall we?), pretty darn impressed that we are at this point. Honestly feel so privileged and blessed to feel so calm about going past the estimated due date for Little Viking, seriously thought we would of had her early for some reason but she is taking her time and I am happy for her to do so.
So we had our first appointment in the DAU at the start of the week and let's just say I have PTSD from that one appointment. I now know why I despise pap smears so much and why they are just horrendous for me and essentially never work out well. So we learnt that my cervix is posterior as heck but before I get more into all of that drama I will start at the beginning. So we got there and the midwives did the usual checks (blood pressure etc) and everything looked fine, they were super nice, welcoming and honest (little bit pissy they did not ask how I was doing the entire week or anything like that). I was nervous as a dog in the vet, like seriously shaking like a bloody leaf! I just could not help it at all and it only got worse when they told me to hop onto the bed. I had the whole week/weekend to prepare for the internal examination, although I am not sure what anyone could do to prepare them for that, it was honest to God hell for me and I am so traumatized by it that I never again in my life ever want to experience it again. Firstly, one midwife tried to do it and I could not relax one bit so she had to get another midwife to give it a go (because let's all just share around my body guys), so second midwife calmed me down and explained it all a bit better, but holy mother of pearl!!! the pain, the pressure, the everything was immense, like I probably cannot put it into words on this blog post but I think I scared away all most every lady in that waiting room. I was not quiet, I swore couple of times and almost died (dramatic). But seriously, I even grabbed onto her hand and the first midwife standing next to the bed and literally told them to stop and she did pause to let me relax but she left her hand in me the entire time and did not let me rest! It was insane!! I just wanted her to stop, like I do not care what you have to do just bloody stop!! She had to go behind Little Vikings head and she still could not reach my cervix and then she felt around for a bit whilst pushing my belly down and I literally was making noises I didn't think I could make and panting like a dying she-bitch in the desert (WHAT EVER THAT IS?!) but it was just horrendous!! And then she had a conversation with us with goop and blood on her hands like it was a normal thing?! Poor Benjamin looked pale as heck and here I was deeply traumatized, shaking and literally in shock. I literally cannot put into words what it all felt like but I do know that I would rather a c-section over an internal any-day and that is saying something!
How can women request those? or even be open to it?! To me is is just honestly rape! like what the heck ladies, God bless you if you have a normal cervix or whatever but I never ever want to experience that in my entire life again!
So after that episode of death, she started to explain the method of induction (which we are not keen on at all), she explained what the foley catheter was all about and I probably could of passed out when she showed a diagram, so basically it is this balloon type thing they usually use to empty people's bladders but they insert this guy into the cervix and fill it with water and then tape it to your leg, so your essentially walking around with this thing stuck inside of you, weighted with water, tugging on your cervix to get everything moving (WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND AGREES TO THIS SHIT?!) like what on earth! And then when the balloon thingy falls out of you, you are meant to call the hospital and go in. The entire thing just blows my mind that women are even accepting to this ridiculous contraption! I asked her what are alternatives to that thing and she looked like she had to think for a second, like people don't usually ask for alternatives and then she explained things we already knew but listed more cons than pros with it. We said we wanted to do things naturally because I really want to have a natural water birth and no interventions to arise in the midst of everything. So we also got CTG monitoring on Little Viking and she was moving and grooving all right and then we also got a ultrasound done to check the fluid levels in the uterus which was all perfect as well. When that was done it was around this time that we heard the first midwife on the phone booking us in for an induction date, Benjamin got really pissy about this because she did not even consult, check with us on our decision, she just went ahead and assumed that that was the decision we had made. He went out immediately and said flat out, we don't want an induction or anything like that, we want this to be a natural process. Now I heard them go quiet and every now and again, Benjamin will explain to me that a fair few of the midwives tend to look blankly at him when he says something or resort to my words over his, which to be honest is a bit shit, like him and I are in this decision making together and to just blatantly overlook my husbands opinion on matters just because he is not female is quite stupid and rude. The midwife then explained that oh well I will book it anyway, because 1. the dates tend to get booked quickly, because so many women are getting induced and 2. you might end up changing your mind on the day (highly unlikely mate!). They are so induction focused in that clinic, like honestly I do not know how many times I heard the word induction or foley or anything related, she also then booked it and then cheered like she had scored a touchdown or something.
I can't believe how focused they are on medically being induced at the hospital, like the only reason we went with the hospital for birth was because my GP recommended it and the whole genetic factor but I honestly wished we had just gone a different path.
I recently discovered The Birth Hour podcasts and I wish I did earlier on, they are just different women's stories on their births and why they chose to go down that path etc and advice for other women for resources and research (listen to it if you have a chance, it is honestly so good), we also watched The Business of Being Born which is a documentary all about choosing the right path on the birth that you want, home-births, birthing with just midwives, avoiding the hospital aspect of it all and other interesting factors (the entire video is up on Youtube so just search for it), I also really want to get Ina May's books for our second pregnancy (whenever that happens) but she sounds like such a driven women and her words have empowered so many to do natural births around the word.
But in all honesty, the next pregnancy I am going to find an all midwife center, or just do a home-birth with one midwife journeying with me throughout the entire pregnancy. It is what I wanted from the start and I wish I had stuck to my gut feeling instead of just going to Westmead because my GP recommended it, due to genetic troubles and problems I had at my own birth. I am so afraid that we won't be able to do a natural water birth because of all the risk factors that go up in those last few weeks of being "overdue". We had an appointment today for more monitoring (fluids, me and Little Viking are all doing superb), had a few regular contractions that showed up on the trace so they said things could be moving along sooner than later so fingers crossed because next week we have an appointment with our main Dr on what to do after 42 weeks which scares me because after that I feel like a natural birth is out of my hands and then I will have no say in what happens because it will all be about just getting her out. We have other appointments for monitoring during the week which I am so happy to do as long as Little Viking is happy and still cooking than I am happy with her staying in. We just hope she decides to come this week because after that I am just at a loss on what to do to keep all the cards in our field. The Dr that we spoke to today did try to scare us into all the risk factors that go up after going passed 42 weeks, so obviously their main concern is stillbirth which goes up 5% after that week, but in my mind why would God gift us with the perfect pregnancy and baby just to take it all away in the end? I know that He is looking after us and has been this entire time and Little Viking is just not ready and only God knows her due-date and the perfect time for her arrival and I trust Him with everything right now and maybe that is why I am so calm about everything.
I really hope she comes this week, I mean she definitely feels more engaged (hello pelvic pressure) than a few days ago. I feel super great, although I do get sleepy and putting on pants in a struggle, oh and the hormones do make me cry like a bitch sometimes but other than that I feel so normal and the greatest I have felt the entire pregnancy. Little Viking has been more active than ever and is forever twerking around in there so I know she is happy. In my mind she is just waiting for May 4th (STAR WARS DAY) well I hope she comes then or before than for sure. We just can't wait to meet her and just start living life!
That is my rant post - hopefully the next post is my natural birth story! Prayers and fingers crossed appreciated at this point.