Giving birth, for me, is an intimate, vulnerable, overwhelmingly-special & momentous experience. It is something that you share with the one whom you married, your partner & the one who you made the decision to start a family with. It is a personal journey of discovering your strength & your weaknesses and starting motherhood.
I am in two minds about giving birth, I know that it will be challenging and rewarding at the same time but I also have my own fears about it. Sometimes I feel like I am ready for it to happen and then other times I wonder if I will be able to handle it at all. All I want is to have a natural birth, a natural water birth to be exact and I know that if I don't get the chance to experience a water birth my entire mentality is going to go out the window and away with the wind, I mean just the thought of giving birth on a bed with lights shining on my lady bits like its a concert and a random person attending freaks me out to the max. I want to experience one of those quiet, humble, no screaming, lights down, music playing in my headphones, slow breathing births. I know they are possible and I know pain-free natural births are possible, I am just praying it is possible for me.
For me with our impending birth of our first born I certainly want it to be a special one, I want it to be relaxing & just one on one with Benjamin and God. I very well know that giving birth cannot go according to plan and it can be unpredictable with many different outcomes and that is why it is important for me to have the most stress-free environment possible. I honestly feel that as a woman, this is something that I have to experience and go through by myself, this is something that I have to achieve to take the right leap into motherhood. I don't want to be guilt-tripped into anything, I don't want to be pressured into making a decision that is not my own, I don't want this birth to be clouded by anxiety & doubt. I just want privacy - simple & straight forward privacy and to be relaxed.
What I want for our birth is the most natural, beautiful, heaven-touching moment of our lives as husband and wife maturing into full blown parents. I want the room to be silent, in total darkness to help me with focusing and maintaining that mentality to get through it all. I feel like the more people who are in that room, that space of mind, the less that relaxed mind of mine will fade away. I also want everything to work well with breastfeeding, I want to be at ease so it is a good experience from the start for me. I really want it to be a bonding experience with our daughter and I really hope it all works out perfectly.
The decision to start a family, to have a baby is the decision of a husband & wife. We made this decision together because we have so much love to give & we want to enjoy adventures with our little ones. The entire journey for us has been remarkable, challenging and joyous, we have embarked on the next chapter of our lives together. I want Benjamin and I to be the first ones to hear her little cries, to be the first ones that her eyes look at & take in, to touch her little feet & to most importantly hold - love. We did a class at the hospital a few week's back and the midwife was telling us how important it is for your newborn to have skin-to-skin contact after birth, not only is it good for the mother but it is good for the newborn, she informed us that after we give birth to not wash away all the mess of birth off our body because that is what the newborn first smells and feels comfort with - the smell of the mother's skin, the smell of the father's skin. I love how simple it is, how the simple contact of love can heal everything. She always went on to say that you should have at least a few weeks just as a new family to settle in, make routines & bond with your baby, now for us this is very significant, we want at least a week or so just us and Little Viking, as new parents we feel it is so important for us to discover & learn life with a newborn by just ourselves in the first few weeks, we want to be able to get to know our little one without distractions, we want to be able to find time to rest & for me to heal up without stress or worries. We want to just experience family life as a little family and once we are ready to welcome visitors we will let everyone know.
I am also a freak when it comes to the safety of our little one and want to protect her from all the nasty sickness's floating around these days and I would just feel better if she was just at home with us in the mountains in her teeny tiny little bassinet. Now back to the whole skin-to-skin contact, the midwife always spoke about how it is best for the new parents to always be holding the newborn and not to be passing it around for cuddles from relatives just yet, just because the newborn is getting used to the smells of it's new mum & dad and if you throw other things into the mix it can cause a fussy little baby and potentially disturb the bonding process. It is the same as giving the new family a few days with just them and the newborn, is it a whole bonding process and nothing should upset that balance and precious time.
I read somewhere a while ago in one of my books that when you give birth, God hands you your little one, this little life that he already knew, planned and created, he personally hands you the most precious gift ever. I am beyond excited to encounter him in the moment, I certainly hope I encounter him and feel the presence of God just wrapping us with his immense love. The spiritual side of it all is so significant to me as well and it goes right back to that relaxed quiet environment, it is like a place of worship and love that I want to welcome Little Viking into. I want to cherish the moments, remember everything & absorb it all, this is a once in a lifetime moment for us.
“The most important thing at such a time is for the pregnant woman to feel as relaxed and as comfortable as she possibly can. She should not feel obligated to have any other person, apart from the father, present at the birth. She should not be made to feel guilty if she doesn’t want anyone else there."