This week for us has been a week of big decisions.
Last year Benjamin wrote down his New Years Resolutions and one of them was to quit his corporate job before the end of 2015. He by no means has worked towards that goal but he didn't forget it either, in the back of his mind it probably sat there waiting for the perfect moment to get back on his thought train. So this year in February, Benjamin decided to partner with me on Peter The Fox Photography and since then we have not looked back, our business is slowly gaining more momentum and we can see the value in everything it has to bring. We have high hopes for the future of PTFP, we see it as a way to connect to couples, we see it as a way for us to achieve some travel goals and we see it as a way for us to achieve other dreams. We have big dreams in our hearts and minds at the moment and we hope in 2016 they come to pass and develop into what we want them to be. There is no doubt in my mind that God has planted these ideas and feelings in us, I know the next few decisions we make, small or big they will impact our future greatly and for the better. I believe that God does not put tiny ideas into our hearts, he puts the big life-changing, do it now or never ideas.
Benjamin has one of those in his heart right now, since before we got pregnant we envision a future for ourselves were Benjamin does not have to waste time commuting far distances to work, we envision him working at home, whether that be what he does now or PTFP or even something different, but we both see the value in being a family unit and not one person being the breadwinner of far away places. We both want to be together everyday for the rest of our lives, we both want to raise our children, not just one of us and to not let either one of us miss out on the special moments because one of us is caught up on the train or in a work meeting on the other side of the city. Because ideally that is why people get married and have kids, not to work until they pass on or just chuck their kids into a school and let the teachers deal with them, its our responsibility to show our kids the true meanings of marriage, love and family. We envision a life of simplicity, peace and tranquil settings. So for us that means the Blue Mountains, every-time we drive up there it just feels like home and we never ever want to come back down to the chaos of Sydney (including the house prices), we love the tight knit communities, the small town folk that already know our names and their faces light up when we come in to get coffee (the brilliant coffee and food), the gorgeous mountain landscapes, the fresh air and the weatherboard cottages that would be perfect at this time of year. We just love all of it.
So right now Benjamin has options to consider and no matter what he decides on I will 100% support him no matter what, because I know what is in his heart, I know what he has to deal with at work, the stress that he brings home from work and the exhaustion is not worth it in the end. I want him to be healthy, happy and living the life his envisions in his heart and I want that for him and us. I want him to be at home with me, for him to be able to do everything that he cannot do during the day and to not be run down by the end of it. I am so over seeing him come home just run down, his mind still on work, I hardly get a conversation out of him and then its off to bed because he has a whole work day the next day. It is just not worth it. I want us to be able to have the freedom to do whatever, to pursue our life long goals, to be able to easily go to the park with our children or go to the zoo on a weekday and not have to worry about what is happening at work or anything like that. I know he wants to be able to put 100% into PTFP, to really expand the business and put all the effort into it, its the one thing he thinks of when he is at work, just all the passion he can put into the business is on his heart and I want all of it for him.
I know all this will happen in my heart, it will all happen soon and yes it is a massive decision that we have to decide on. It will be one that will change our lives forever, but I believe it will be for the best, the best decisions you make are the ones that scare the crap out of you, they are the ones that internally you battle with for months. So for the rest of 2015 and maybe early 2016 we will be striving to make this decision for the better, this is not just a decision for us, this is for Little Viking, its for future children and its for our future dreams.
A song that comes to mind that just speaks to me during this transition and decision path is certainly "Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)" by Hillsong. The lyrics are just on point and just draw me closer to God as we take this next part of our journey. I encourage you to take a listen to the song and just dwell in God's presence. It is a powerful thing.
"Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now"